I’m okay with girly parts…
Art is subjective. Literature falls into the category of art as do all it’s subsequent genres. What I like is not necessarily what you will like. That’s okay. I actually find that preferable. The world would be an incredibly boring place if we all liked the same thing. Recently, a well known review site stated it’s preference for books that are in the m/m genre to have no sex with women on the page at all. I respect this preference. I read mostly m/m books. I prefer them to m/f books despite that fact I do also read m/f books and various other combinations of m’s and f’s. That’s just me. This well known review site also stated they would only review books that had no sex acts with females described on the page. No sex with women at all in the books they review. If there is a stance about books about lesbians I haven’t read it. Sorry. I’m guessing that would be a resounding no, though. I have no problem with that stance whatsoever. If it’s your blog or review site you’re free to run it as you wish. I would be very offended if someone forced me to read a book I disliked and would never presume to do it to someone else.
The tempest overtook the teapot when the review site also stated any presence at all of a sex act between a man and a woman on the page of an m/m book is “disrespectful” to the readers. Umm, what? I am compelled to say the only person who can safely speak for me is me. I am an m/m reader who is not at all repulsed by female sexuality. Do I prefer to read it? No. Is it inherently disgusting and should be avoided at all costs? No, and to say so it blatant misogyny. Okay, the review site didn’t stop there, it got even more unrealistic. There was a demand that books with on the page sex with women have a content warning. Apparently, the mere presence of on the page girly sex is so damaging some people are completely unable to wade into a book for fear they may read about it? Seriously!? Holy reader entitlement, Batman! Or blogger entitlement. Whatever. You get my point.
Human sexuality is fluid. Bisexuality exists. It’s actually been proven to exist in real scientific studies. No joke. It’s not just a stop on the way to gay. For some people the title of bisexual may well be a stop on the way to gay and any experiences a man may have with a woman at that time of his life is a part of his story. I read stories about people who fall in love with each other. If a man had sex with a woman along the way to falling in love with another man that is part of his story. I’m in it for the story, not the sex and the specific parts involved in it. Sex with a woman may well be a needed part of the plot or essential to define a character and his motivations. Limiting authors to plot devices and character development techniques someone happens to prefer is not only narrow minded it’s a detriment to the entire genre. I haven’t even touched on the possibility of a trans character. That’s just adding more worms to the can.
There are many things in life I don’t like. I don’t expect the world to bow to my whims and shield me from them. I would love to never again hear Arabic language disco music. I don’t expect my neighbors to have warnings on their front doors. My displeasure at something they enjoy is mine and mine alone. Most importantly, I may also find a song I happen to love. Books with warnings, be they for vaginal sex or anal sex, may prevent someone from reading a book that will change their life. Would I have read my first m/m book if it had a warning? Warnings are there to prevent harm. Please, let’s not confuse personal dislike with harm.
Thanks Andy for what is, as always, a concise and forthright blog post. I agree with everything you say, with a personal comment to add ….. as you know, as everyone knows, I am not a fan of girly bits in my books BUT I would never not cover a book on this site merely because of my particular stand point. If an “f” in a book is part of a story arc I fully expect an author to run with it – that is their right, it is their vision, it is their bloody book and I have no problems putting a review up (even if I don’t read the book myself 😛 ) Does that make me a hypocrite? I don’t see it that way, although some might. I know my inflexible stance is seen by some as silly – but it is what it is. What I do not do, nor will do so, is force my opinion on a site where I have reviewers who may want to read books that I don’t choose to. Life is varied. Tastes are varied. Taste the rainbow, baby! ♥ ~ Barb
Live Your Life, Buy The Book 
” I am compelled to say the only person who can safely speak for me is me.”
OMG but yes! Thank you for being so clear on that. I agree wholeheartedly.
And Barb … it doesn’t make you hypocritical at all! You’re recognising that we all have our own and differing likes and dislikes. You’re the one who sets the themes for the site, and you’re respecting your reviewers, readers and the authors.
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Thanks Clare ♥♥
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Thanks, guys. I haven’t put any m/f content into any of my books (well, none of my m/m books!) but if I did think that it was called for in order to be true to a character, I’d certainly want to include it without being accused of being “disrespectful” to anyone.
I’d actually originally thought of having Chris from Dark Horse stay straight and hook up with a female (I guess he was with Robyn for a bit, but I glossed over that), but I made him bisexual instead. I can’t remember what my thoughts were on that… I wonder what the reaction would have been if I’d made a different decision…
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As you say – if it fits an author’s vision then you have to follow that through. I have never, will never write – but I can see a story leading an author to wherever it goes. If that makes sense. I am sure a muse cannot be censored 🙂
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Sexuality is complex and attraction is mercurial in life and in fiction — thank our lucky stars. Sad the site imposes a pre-censorship on submissions for review. In doing so, it turns a blind eye to powerful storytelling elements, which the author may need to tell his/her story. For me, it has nothing to do with disrespect. It’s an arbitrary criteria that demeans the intelligence of readers — male and female — while sadly narrowing the storytelling options for m/m authors.
I love this post and Andy is a very smart woman.
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Yes. She is.
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And Barb, I agree you aren’t hypocritical and I appreciate the fact the readers of this reviewing site may make their own choices because there is no per-censorship of books reviewed.
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Never type in the dark in the middle of night with a muddled mind. That would be ore-censored.
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That was autocorrect. I swear! It should read pre-censored.
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As the child of a publisher, I was never once told what I could and could not read. Books were fair game in our house. Content was never censored and I know I read stuff that was way beyond my years. None of the books I got my hands on came with a warning, half of them just had a title and uncorrected proof copy printed on a bright orange cover, no clue as to what I was getting myself into. I learned a lot as a kid!
My point though is, as an adult I’ll decide for myself what I want to read and if there is something in a book that I don’t care for it’s my perogative to skip over it. I have never once thought an author was being disrespectful to me as a reader, writing about on page m/f sex in a gay romance. For that matter, writing about anything I’d rather not read or that made me uncomfortable. Telling writers what they should and should not write is censorship at its worst and to my mind is insulting to me as a mature reader, implying I am incapable of deciding for myself what I want to read.
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Thank you. Well said. I am getting increasingly ticked off about authors being herded in boxes; don’t speak, don’t have an opinion, write but only what we tell you. Well no. I write what I want to write and if that involved an MF scene because it fitted the story I would include it. It is the reader’s prerogative not to read it.
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I discovered the notion that men might want sex with other men through a book I read when I was twelve years old. It had never occurred to me. The book had no warnings. It was just part of the story, and an important part of the story. To this day I feel the book respected my ability to derive the proper meaning of every element in it. I still believe that about books (and their authors and publishers) and about readers, too. Readers are smart. They don’t need writers to censor things for them. Just my opinion, of course. I’m still processing the other review site’s post and trying to decide what it’s trying to accomplish: fewer submissions to them of such books, or that writers stop with the girly bits already.
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Nicely said, Andy. And Barb. And what about the reverse? I am currently reading a series that is primarily m/f, but has a lot of m/m and m/f/m sex. I have friends who first read m/m in a f/m book, and found it compelling and beautiful. Authors have the opportunity to influence a readers preconceptions of sexuality. I like both. What I want in a book is a great story. Sexual content is secondary. Well. I need to expand on that because I want sex in my books, who the players are is secondary! Thanks for a great article.
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I agree with the blog post and all the comments. That’s why this is the only blog that I read all the reviews. I always get all the info I need about a book and I can decide for myself if it’s something that I want to read. I really appreciate the different views and I usually agree with them on the books that I’ve read. This blog has been a very helpful source for me and I look forward to seeing the name in my emails. Keep up the good work!
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I’ve only read one of the titles used to illustrate this post but I remember that the M/F content fitted the situation and characters perfectly to complement the plot. To NOT have girly bits in the plot at that point would not have been believable. It fitted and was a great scene to read.
I don’t think it’s hypocritical to choose not to read/review something you feel you may not enjoy. I skip scenes if my attention wanders and , very occasionally, I DNF if I’m really not enjoying it for any reason that is personal to ME. I see no reason why reviewers can’t enjoy the same privilege as readers.
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I agree, personally. But have no problem with the site as a whole featuring books other reviewers have read. The Black dagger series is another prime example in this years release of m/m and m/f in one book . A NYT best selling book at that! Thanks for commenting. xx
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*facepalm* I’ve just found out why you felt it necessary to write this post. Frankly I think there are a lot of worse things to find in M/M than girly bits, but really it all comes down to personal preferences. Labelling is very useful for finding suitable reading material but it needs to be accurate. I was horrified when my publisher expressed the intention of marketing my historical action adventure with gay heroes [plus one sex scene that they had insisted I put in] as M/M Erotica. I managed to persuade them that that would be a bad idea but they still insisted on marketing it as M/M romance. As you can imagine I’m getting annoyed reviews from readers who were expecting the focus to be on love. When I submit for review I make sure the reviewer knows what they are getting into and I stress that I won’t be offended if they decide not to waste their time reading it but I have no way of telling potential readers that. 😦 It’s sad.
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I feel disrespected by lousy story construction, plot holes, shoddy editing, characters that are overtly stereotypes, or simply two dimensional. Maybe that statement is even too extreme. Some authors are simply not as skilled as others and it’s not their intent to put out a bad product, they’re just telling stories as best they can. The concept that the reality of human sexuality in fiction somehow debases the genre of gay romance is a leap I simply cannot make. At all. That we need to be shielded from this reality is delusional. Reality is going to happen whether we look at it or not. Living in a bubble only furthers our delusions. Delusions like a lack of gay romance in het books or book series.
Main characters are part of gay sexual acts in the work of Laurell K. Hamilton, Suzanne Brockman, and JR Ward. Sherrilyn Kenyon is on the list of authors who will be publishing a book about a gay couple. Sexual acts as simple as a gay or lesbian kiss are in the works of Devon Monk, Charlaine Harris, George R.R. Martin, Gail Carriger, Kim Harrison, and Nicole Peeler. I could go on but I feel I’ve made my point already. NONE of these books carried a warning label yet they all made it to the NYT best seller list.
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🙂
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